Things I’d Like but Can’t Have (Day 11)
After Alejandra De La Cruz
To touch you infinity
-But you are too far at the moment.
For the beauty supply store to be open
For once not to be just “ok” because ok isn’t happy but ok is just enough for no one to care
To be worth protecting, preserving, saving
-Don’t we all get exhausted being the mess and the broom
Sour patch kids
For my father not to get stares while he walks into the store with his mask on because his skin continues to meet everyone before he does even while a virus is on this crummy planet
- But you know, racism, stereotyping, never dies right?
To enjoy the hard but seemingly perfect art of my own company
To know what my bedsheets and curtains say about me when I leave the room
- If only walls could talk
To beg you to reserve that spot next to you for me always
-Certainly aware that you are just a boy and that is possibly asking too much
For my hair to grow
For one of my favorite artists to release a dam album
For us to stop taking this crummy planet for granted like we aren’t the ones making it sick
For the weather not to be so bipolar when I am trying to take a #quaretined flick
For my brown skin blues not to get any bluer
-Apparently I’m “too pretty to be a brown skin” (aka colorists)
To not sacrifice myself over and over again
- be reminded that sacrifices for love are fine unless the sacrifice is you.
To collect my mistakes and cleanse them with self honesty and reflection
To not look at self love as a sick joke
-IF only you knew I’d win an Oscar for best performance. 1magine.
For my nails to be done
To realize that not everything that chips will crumble
Finally, for this damn month and quarantine to end.
Praying
Day 1: I tell myself that this will be all over in two weeks. That this is a sick joke only you seem to understand
Day 2: The experts have now gathered and say they are doing everything that they can; there doesn't seem to be an exact scientist; there is not exact science to this
Day 3: We hear bad news. But it can’t be so bad because two weeks. This two week timeline
Day 4: Alright God, you can cut this out now. Someone left nearly nothing in the apple juice container and I’m ready to purge the whole house
Day 5: Dear God, speak to me a way I understand. I’m having a hard time understanding what exactly you want me to do; I don’t know how to feel being isolated
Day 6: Maybe you want us isolated
Day 7: I am made aware my senior year has possibly reached the end and I
I’m sorry.
For treating you like a slot machine in heaven’s casino. Throwing quarters into the face of salvation expecting a blessing to waltz onto my lap.
Day 8: I feel like I am repeating a fractured prayer when all I want is for this pandemic to be over
Day 9: You are bigger than any pandemic. Please hear us
Day 10: God do you hear me!
Day 11: You’ve watched me weep until i dissolve and still you wake me up the next morning to put myself back together one salt grain at a time
Day 12: How blessed we are to have tragedies so small it can fit at the tip of our tongues; God i’m sorry
I’ve complained and taken for granted that you’ve snatched it all way
I’m not sure if I should be angry with you for doing so or on my knees begging for your forgiveness, God I am a broken prayer.
Day whatever: I’ve lost count at this point. And I am asked by someone, somewhere else
How unfair is this?
And now my response is you’re correct, this isn’t fair whatsoever
We’ve lived a sinner's sinning life
Breaking the laws of the one who has issued us the license to breathe
It is absurd you have to ask this question expecting your survival on earth to be shortened because a pandemic “isn’t fair”, that quarantine “isn’t fair” like you aren’t breathing
Look at us.
Walking around, breathing, living, looking all ungrateful
How many times do you have to be told
How many times do you have to be told
How many TIMES do you have to be told
That the oxygen that gives you life can be repossessed at any moment
And you. Are. Still. Here.
Surrounded by family and love
This world is a room full of chaos
Ms. Rona is that one friend they brought to the party and is making a very public scene but trust and believe
He will show up
And shut it down.
Don’t act like our God doesn’t give and take away.
Our lives have stopped so he can have our attention like he should’ve and don’t you dare act like he doesn’t love you
Like the name on your birth certificate isn’t the title of of his favorite song on his playlist
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (1 Deuteronomy 31:8)
Nala Washington is from Camp Springs, Maryland where she resides in a quiet neighborhood. During this time of a epic pandemic, she has taken the time to write and share her thoughts with others as her senior year comes to an abrupt close. If she were not socially isolated right now, she would be spending her last couple months she has at home preparing for graduation, prom, and leaving friends who are going their separate ways. Having performed spoken word all over the Prince George's County Area before isolation, she is grateful for the exposure, experiences she will take with her to her college endeavors, and most of all, how she affected those around her with her writing.